If you’re standing in the kitchen at 11pm, shouting at your partner
over this month’s bills, there’s no need to consider yourself alone in
this. Money is the major cause of disagreement in relationships and the
major reason cited for divorce. Making it one of the most important
things to get straight, sooner rather then later. Here’s how to stop
fighting about dollar bills.
Keep To Topic
It’s very easy to think we’re upset about money, when in actual fact
we’re upset about the day we’ve had at work, how tired we are, the fact
that the kids haven’t slept properly in a matter of days. If you’re
fighting about money, experts suggest we make sure it is actually about
money and only about money. It’s an easy thing to latch onto, but it
doesn’t go anywhere near solving our issues if it’s the wrong issue to
pick a tiff over.
Talk About Backgrounds
We might think we’ve gotten all our dirty linen on the table-
ex-partners, bad investments, years lost to a job at the local pub and
12 hour a night snoozes- but it’s amazing how often we gloss over our
financial backgrounds, and those of our parents. In Australia, it’s
still awkward to talk about money. It’s going to be hard for a partner
to understand our view on money if we don’t explain how hard it was to
come by when we were growing up. Or explain that it was badly mismanaged
in our family. Or that ‘something always turned up’ and planning wasn’t
a skill we were taught. They are all hard, challenging admissions but
it’ll make your relationship, and approach to finances, far more
clearcut.
Play To The Galley
If you’re appalling on details, don’t try and be the one who draws up the budget.
If you’re fantastic at spreadsheets, let someone else focus on the big
moves to make and you can work on the nitty gritty of achieving it.
Maybe one of you is creative and can think of fantastic ways to save
money. The other might be very handy at DIY and can save you a fortune
in adjustments. Work on areas that interest you, invariably they are
also the areas you are good at.
Dream Talk
So often we schedule time to fight, budget,
talk about how we have to get better at managing our finances. Yet how
often do we sit down and dream up some exciting goals? How often do we
talk about what our dreams are now, whether they’ve changed, whether we
feel any closer to them? Remembering what we’re working towards is one
of the most important ways to stay engaged and motivated for the
sacrifices such goals demand.
Regular Fat Chewing Time
It’s a great idea to sit down once a week to discuss the finances.
That way, there are no nasty shocks for a partner, both partners feel
invested and in the loop and can make equally informed decisions about
what the next step should be. It also means both partners are aware of
the reality of finances, any adjustments that need to be made to the budget and how better to save money and reduce debt.
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